Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Sad Face :(

I came to the reality this past weekend that I'm still "living down" the person I was in the '90's. I was a church growth consultant. And I was good. I was known as a 747 in trousers. It's true. But the medication is working. I'm much nicer now.

As I move to a more monastic, missional, community based faith; I sometimes find being at conferences like Mayhem this past weekend a bit uncomfortable. "What are YOU doing here?" I actually heard. And it wasn't a joke. What do you mean? In '03 I went to Greenbelt, WabiSabi in the UK; and took my family on pilgrimage to Holy Island. Did the Emergent conference too. Crap, I even did a silent retreat with real MONKS!

I guess that I'm just feeling the multiplied pain now of those little rejections. And it kinda threw me. And I know that I'm responding to the one or two people who barely know me. It just hurts.Hope this is OK to say. A little exposed on the feelings here. How is it that I don't belong, or that I shouldn't be listened to? I mean seriously! I'm just another pilgrim, but I am real. Sometimes I wonder. OK!

Do you ever feel like this? I know some women felt this way at Mayhem. All the presenters were male and all 10, yes 10, round-table leaders were men (with one couple). Rachelle Mee-Chapman attended. She is a church planter in Seattle and flew all the way to cincy for this. Only a degree from Regent in Vancouver. I think she could have handled 1 hour with 40 people and lead a round table. Ya think? And the just to irritate and humilate all the singe folk, only married people could attend the Sex round-table. Come on!

I guess I got a taste of what women in the church have been feeling for 1000's of years.

Anyway. I'm here to stay! You are my family. I've had more fun, challenge, and growth in the last 2 years than in the previous 6 combined. Thank you! Thanks for listening.

Love ya,


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